I just want to kill myself and just die. I want to run away. I want to shout. I want to scream. I want to run away so bad. I want to just run so that I don't have to be your burden anymore. I just want to jump down. I just want to disappear. fuck you. fuck you for telling me to be myself but you never let me be myself. fuck you that you tell me that you love me cos you don't. fuck you for everything. fuck you. fuck you.

Bye

ahhhh. I'm sorry I abandon you! :'(

The truth is that I have no idea what to blog. My life is BORING. So, till I got something inneresting to post about I will not be posting.

Bitter heart

Is this shoes to die for or what?

So I'm currently out of cash due to the justin book, not complaining... ok, maybe a weee bit. But it was worth it. Oh my gosh guys, it's so boring at home today. It's like the LONGEST day EVER, EVER! I was so glad sis was talking to her boyf and let me have the computer to myself. I am officially an owl. I sleep in the morning and awake in the night time. Scary huh? lol. I revamp my walls today, gonna take pix tomorrow and put it here. It's not special or anything but among all the "renovation" I had for the "poster" wall, this is my favourite.

I'm having loads of stomach ache lately... not cool.

Go with the flow

That last post was stupid, I don't know why am I even consider putting that. Like I can't even look at his face now without being so defensive towards myself. Fcuk him.

Anyway, I am feeling lousy today. Sis came back, I know you might think that's great right? well not actually. Mum suggested us going to the zoo and I suggested to visit the animals at SPCA, but I'm cool with the zoo. It's been a while I've been there. Wait, I have never been there. Out of topic, so I ask my sis about it and before I could finish my sentence she just said that she was tired and wanted to sleep till noon tomorrow. Great. Just great.

And ask my friends whether it'll be cool if we hang out next week. You know, just to hang around the beach and eat Long John Silver or just eat Ben and Jerry and talk. But I guess they are more willing to go around town aka malls. I'm not being critical here but sometimes I want things to go my way at times without failing it. Like for example planning things without feeling that it won't come true. It's sad. And everytime I wanna hangout my way, things always go weird. But whatever, there must be a reason behind all of this. I hope.

Back to december

I'm so glad you made time to see me.
How's life, tell me how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while.
You've been good, busier then ever.
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up and I know why.

Cause the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind.
You gave me roses and I left them there to die.

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night,
And I go back to December all the time.
Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I go back to December all the time.

These days I haven't been sleeping
Staying up playing back myself leaving,
When your birthday passed and I didn't call.
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side
Realized that I loved you in the fall.
Then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind.
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye.

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night.
And I go back to December all the time.
Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind.
I go back to December all the time

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right,
And how you held me in your arms that September night,
The first time you ever saw me cry.
Maybe this is wishful thinking,
Probably mindless dreaming
If we loved again I swear I'd love you right.

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't
So if the chain is on your door, I understand.

But this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night,
And I go back to December.
Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December turn around and make it alright.
I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind.
I go back to December all the time.

All the time

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/t/taylor_swift/#share

Inspirations

Sis coming back home tomorrow, I miss her. *awwwww*

FINALLY someone is there is talk to me about my crap and someone to count on. You know that's what family is for, they are always there. My sis is going to have an epic shock if she founds out that I bought First Step 2 Forever, you see she is against the idea of me splurging on fan girl stuff. Which bugs me so much! :/

Anyway's about the book, yes I have completed reading it. I am so impress and inspired. I realise a lot of things. The few last pages of the book make me bawlin. I can't really describe the feeling. I see Justin in a different light right now, if you read the book you know. For people who ever doubted him, I suggest you grabbing that book. (: Gonna try to make Divya read that book since she have a crush on Justin. I'm ok with Justin. I'm in love with Shawty Mane, ya he's a gangsta. We are on a down low so shhh. ;)

It's 4am.

I need to pee so bad but it's dark outside. I know I know, on the lights... still, I'm scared. Anyways, I'm pissed and I wanna rant. Here we go, I can't believe she would actually do that, she know all of us miss her. Yet she does not the mother freakin brains to ask us out to meet her? What you think it's only you that misses her? What fcuk? We miss her too, it's just that we don't sob everyday thinking about her like you do. ugh, I can't stand that you did that. Stop being selfish, stop being sucha brat, you think we didn't try to please you? I just wanna tell you off sometimes. I'm so glad I don't have to see you anymore.

ok I'm done.

First Step 2 Forever

I am a happy happy girl. :)

Bought the book at Taka Kinokuniya. It's like friggin 35.20. *dies* But like Diana said, it's worth it. There was another unauthorized Justin Bieber biography, didn't buy it. Diana bought both the authorized one and the unauthorized one. She said the unauthorized book is so wordy. However, this authorized book, the one that I bought was written by Justin himself. So it's like more "authorized". *laughs* I have not read the book yet, I might read it tonight. The pictures are like... never before seen. I'm actually impressed that Justin kept his words about how the pix was never before seen. :) I am a happy happy girl right now.

Anyways, sis is going to be back on Saturday or Sunday. Hopefully its Sunday, I want to hang out with her. I have to go to the friggin hospital on Saturday for my hospital appointment. :/ Pray for me there is an improvement on my backbone. (: Today I have to watch Desperate housewives alone! :( This is not good. Not good at all.

<3

Introducing:JustFab.com

Introducing:JustFab.com

I need a job

I need a job

I need a motherfreakin job!

*dies*

ps. might be getting First step to forever book tomorrow with Diana. >.<

Pilot

shello hello smashzyly hello!
wow, it's so hard to write this post actually. I just listened a new Taylor swift track from her new album and I think I might write a emo post. Dang, I swear that girl is stalking my life and writing songs about my life.

Anyways, holidays are here! It's actually a good thing and bad thing. Cuz? The good thing is like basic laziness to go to school like 7am in the morning. (-.-) However, the bad thing is that I'm getting BORED! And it's only been what? 1 day? Still. By the way, dyed my hair today... I swear my hair is screaming to me right now. The chemicals? is torture. Don't even get me started on the pungent smell. I can still smell it. EWWWW. My hair turns out... ok? It's almost like I didn't even colour it. I need to dye it again, I'm looking for a very pale brown colour, but for now I think imma let my hair breathe. Maybe a month or two. :)

I think it's today that Justin bieber book is coming out in the states. Oh ya, I'm a bieber fan. Yes I'm one of the beliebers, yes I'm proud to become one. :) The thing is that I don't know whether or not to buy it, I mean it cos 30 bux. Ex like shit. Let's see how it goes... gonna read reviews from other fans first.

Till then.